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The shimmering blue light from a beautiful night on Coruscant filled the room, and, Anakin Skywalker had decided, made the sleeping face of Padme Amidala, that much more beautiful.
Padme Amidala to the rest of the universe, of course ... Padme Skywalker when they were alone as they were tonight, with Anakin given leave from the Jedi Temple to protect the Nubian Senator upon her first return to Coruscant since spectral rumors of Separatist Battle Crusier sightings less than a parsec from Naboo had sent her rocketing home to quell the emotions of her constituents.
The rumors had been just that, and Anakin had impatiently waited for his bride's return, carefully manipulating his words around his Jedi Masters to keep them from discovering one of his greatest secrets - that he had broken his vows and taken a bride.
It was not the only vow he had broken of course, and had his Masters, Obi-Wan, Yoda and Mace Windu, not been so involved in the struggle against Count Dooku's separatist movement, one of them likely would have paid more attention to Anakin's mental state. One of them might have uncovered the dark truths he kept tucked deep inside himself. His all-consuming love for Padme ... and his vengeance against the creatures who had murdered his mother.
The dark dreams that sometimes lurked in his mind in the dark had come to him this night, awakened him even from the peaceful slumber that came from feeling Padme's body next to his own. The dreams had roused him, but seeing her sleeping peacefully, he could not bring himself to wake her, preferring to gain solace and peace from watching her innocent face lost in dream.
Padme had told him to wake her if the dreams persisted, but he kept them mostly to himself, not willing to show her that weakness, or make her lose faith that their love was stronger than the constraints of a Jedi and a Senator, constantly fearful that her love pledge given just before the outbreak of the Clone Wars on Geonosis had been made by woman seeking comfort before dying.
For a time after his mother's death, Anakin had simply blocked out the pain of losing her ... being so busy had made it easier. Marrying Padme had been foremost in his mind when he escorted her home to Naboo after his fateful battle alongside Obi-Wan with the traitorous Count Dooku. Even now, Anakin looked down at the circuitry and wiring that now comprised one his arms. He flexed it ponderously, the medical droids who had attached the cybernetic replacement limb had told him it would function better than his original, without fear of pain or exhaustion, yet he believed he could sense a dull ache in it from time to time.
In the silence of Padme's bedroom, Anakin quietly contemplated that pain. It was much the same ache his heart held for his mother. She had been severed from him, and the hurt remained, where no one could see it, where Anakin himself could lose track of it for a moment or two, only to have it rush over him again like a tidal wave.
In moments alone, when the pain of his loss struck him, Anakin could not help remembering what he had done that morning in the desert. He could remember with exquisite detail the way he had torn through the Tusken camp with his blade and the Force. Could remember the screams of terror from Tusken women as they tried to shield their children from the monster come to life in their midst.
Padme alone knew what he had done after watching his mother die. He had not retold the story to the Larses, even though he felt Cliegg would have understood the rage he had felt. The older man had nearly spat in hatred when he talked about the Sand People and how they had abducted Anakin's mother in the first place. Still, Padme had suggested he keep the details to himself, and allow Shmi's adopted family time to deal with the grief of their lost loved one.
On their flight from Tatooine to Geonosis to try and save Obi-Wan from Dooku's forces, Padme had comforted Anakin, explaining to him that he had lashed out with anger, much the way anyone would at the murder of a loved one. The fact that he had the powers of a Jedi had allowed him to channel his rage into something destructive, something a normal person could not do.
It had been wrong to slaughter innocents, but he could learn from this mistake and realize the consequences of the awesome power he wielded and how it must be controlled. Anakin had listened and nodded to Padme's words, but in truth he had trouble hearing their meaning. Even now, months later, when he thought back to those few moments after he stepped out of the tent that held his mother, all he could remember was the rush ... the exhilaration ... the sheer magnitude of the power that had coursed through him.
The power was like nothing he had ever known in his Jedi training. Not from sparring with a lightsaber, not from levitating objects across rooms, not from his joyous free fall through the night-time traffic of Coruscant in pursuit of the bounty huntress who had tried to kill Padme. The power he had tapped while dismantling the Tusken camp was something new altogether. It was horrible, but he could not deny his attraction to it. He could not deny his desire to wield that power again.
So lost in thought was Anakin, that it took him a moment to realize Padme had awakened and was watching him. His concentration broken, he offered a smile, but she clearly knew better. In a hushed tone, she whispered, "Another dream of your mother?"
Anakin nodded mechanically, technically that had been the reason for his awakening, but certainly not the reason he was staring distantly off into space and failed to sense her momentary confusion when she had reached for his arms in the bed and found nothing but air. She started to sit up, but he came to her instead, moving his arms around her and holding her tight, kissing her lips and feeling his love for her wash over him as she kissed back. Her beauty, her undying sense of compassion, Anakin could feel them as clearly through the Force as he could feel her warmth in his arms. The hatred of the Tuskens and the dark thrill of the moments that passed after his mother's death drifted away, back down into their hiding places deep inside him as he sank his head against the pillows and kissed Padme again.
Here was what he needed. Here was where he felt whole and pure, here with Padme, or out with her as her escort as she visited the impoverished on Naboo, always lending a hand and a smile to those in need, those whose lives she had sworn to make better. Through her passion for her work and her compassion for those in lesser situations, Anakin saw the man he could be, the man he wanted to be ... with Padme by his side to encourage him, to support him and to love him as he loved her.
The children he had met while visiting Naboo's schools and few refugee centers took to the tall Jedi so easily that Padme teased him by calling him "Dad" every time she came back to find him wrestling with the little ones or thrilling them with tales of Jedi heroics across the galaxy. Anakin was amazed by the joys he found in the children, and his emotions equally buoyed by some of the elderly refugees he met, star pilots and warriors of generations past, admiring his Jedi robes and the lightsaber on his belt, giving him instant respect for who he was, something his Masters rarely seemed able to do despite his exceptional skills.
That he was on Coruscant at all was both maddening and relieving to Anakin. The Clone Wars raged on, but with his severed arm, Anakin had been left behind when many of his contemporaries had gone on a host of missions across the galaxy to aid and command the massive Clone Armies of the Republic. Anakin had wanted to take up the fight again as soon as possible. He hungered to test himself against Dooku again, to prove how much he had learned since their confrontation in the Sith Lord's secret hangar.
At the same time, he was happy to be here with Padme, knowing she was safe, knowing she was under his personal protection. He felt that if he were half a galaxy away on a battle cruiser, he would spend far too much time seeking out her presence in the Force, and failing his tasks at hand.
